Take a leap today

Cause life's too short to let dreams be dreams

For most of this week, I’ve been lying on the couch, my abs sore from coughing and sneezing. On the coffee table next to me still lay a dozen crumpled tissues and a cup of fresh lemon-ginger tea with honey to smoothen my sore throat. This cold caught me last Friday, and I hoped it would be over after a weekend of rest. But it is only today, a full week later, that I can start to feel the energy returning to my body, and I can breathe somewhat freely again.

The last couple of weeks have been intense, emotionally and energetically speaking, and I guess I’m not the only one who’s just. so. tired. at the end of winter. After the full moon and my ovulation, the dip in my hormones and the cosmic energy, together with the variety of viruses swirling around in the air, were apparently enough to push me into bed. I guess my body needed a little time out, even though this break was met with a lot of internal resistance.

It might be the symbolism of leap day or my tentative recovery, but today has me fully ready to leap into spring. I’m excited about all the cool things that I’m hoping will happen this year, and I can’t wait to throw myself back into life again.

✍🏻 How do you feel on this special day?

I feel a little like this magnolia bud, excited for spring but also still vulnerable and perhaps exposed to the elements a little too soon 🌸

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Remember that earlier this month, I was going on a silent retreat and then off to a cabin in the woods by myself? Well, I did, and if I’m honest, it wasn’t exactly the relaxing experience I had in mind. I often feel restless and I thought that being in a peaceful environment would bring me more inner peace. I was wrong.

Internal unrest in a peaceful environment is magnified ten times over. Or at least initially. There’s no distraction, no outside noise, just you and your restlessness.

Apparently, that was what I needed.

The retreat was intense, and confronting, and challenging at times. But it was also necessary, and clarifying, and guiding. I was faced with some of my most limiting beliefs. Scripts that had been so deeply embedded in me that I hardly identified them as scripts at first. Letting them go was hard emotional work. Perhaps it is no wonder my body is tired after the emotional catharses it went through.

Inside the newly cultivated spaciousness within myself, I found room to reconnect to my dreams and my vision for life. A vision that had been so clear around this time last year, when I spent my days napping, taking walks in nature, and journalling to heal my body from burnout, but that got buried again under going back to work, catching up with friends and simply staying afloat in life. Even though I thought I knew better, I’d been going back to the same old patterns that had led me to my burn/bore-out, and a week in splendid isolation was necessary to see that again with fresh eyes.

I realized that if a feeling of fulfillment is the only marker of a fulfilled life, I have to admit that I haven’t found it yet and that I am the only person who can truly do something about that. It was a timely reminder that for me a sense of inner peace and fulfillment, or lack thereof, is the result of the daily choices I make, big and small. After realizing how far removed I felt from those aspired states of being, I decided it was time to start making some conscious choices.

With every choice you make, though, you must also give something up. Even if it is just an old vision you once had for your life. These internal shifts are often overlooked in our society, which is all about grand goals and achievements. But it is this invisible work that takes the most effort and courage, and that lies the foundation for dreams to be built upon. Without a solid foundation, efforts to create our visions will just as easily crumble again or never even take flight.

With the letting go of these old beliefs, I slowly feel the tightness around my chest release its grip. I’ve been able to take slightly deeper breaths and I am filled with the potential of new beginnings. I feel reconnected to my vision for life and ask myself: out of all the options available, what would bring me closer to inner peace, joy, and fulfillment?

My vision board for 2024. What would yours look like?

By now, most of you know about my longing to escape the city and find a cabin in the woods. I’m pretty sure this will take away some of the stress and dis-embodiment I struggle with, but it is naive to think that this different life won’t have downsides. Moving to a different part of the country or even to a different country will surely make me miss things as well. The closeness of friends and family living nearby, the community of women that I share my monthly circles with, the beach at ten minutes cycling, my favorite yoga studio, and so many other pleasures of living in The Hague. Realistically speaking, I’ll also still be sitting behind a computer for most hours of most days, the only difference being the view and/or an excruciatingly long commute. Because even a life in the woods requires financial means to get by.

I wondered what it is then that makes the idea of a life in the woods so appealing to me. It’s the closeness of nature that calms my nervous system and relaxes my body. The quietness that makes it easier for me to hear the whispers of my intuition. The spaciousness that allows for more creativity, the ease of connecting with Mother Earth, and the dream of raising my future children in connection to her. And – it’s the illusion of having complete and utter freedom to do something I like. Something other than the jobs I’ve worked so far, which often leave me feeling dry and wrung out at the end of a workday.

That last one is interesting because changing my career path wouldn’t necessarily require me to move. As I let go of some of those deeply engrained limiting beliefs, I realized that it’s only me who prevents me from doing the things that make me feel alive and fulfilled, even as I live in my city apartment.

What better day to take a leap than leap day?

That’s why I’ve decided that 2024 will be the year I’ll pursue one of my passions. This year, I'll be going back to school to learn the skills of feminine embodiment coaching. A coaching stream that is designed to guide women into their bodies to find the answers they seek. It can help us to inhabit ourselves more fully and feel more vibrantly alive in our bodies, access our inner wisdom, show up more authentically, and pursue our dreams with clarity and confidence.

It’s interesting to me that many of us are drawn to share the medicine we need most ourselves. I am really looking forward to diving deep into all layers of my being this year, and I also believe it is no coincidence that the title I chose for this Substack and the program I’m embarking on are so closely related. All the more reason to take you with me on my journey over the coming months. I’ll be sharing my experiences and insights in this newsletter, so make sure you subscribe for more 💌

✍🏻 I’d love to hear about your dreams as well! Let me know in the comments what your vision for 2024 is and if any of this post resonated with you.